畢業設計推銷員之死

保險推銷員之死


(lyrics by Tizzy Bac)

我在謊言中 抬起頭
I get in trouble 鏡子裡的是不是我？
建構起存在 建構愛
I feel the sorrow 我需要更好的姿態

我也想讓你喜歡 滿足你的期待 而不只空洞或無奈
到底那不是我 我只能這樣活 我只能活在謊言中

販賣安全感 與未來
I get in trouble 沒想過有天都得還
承諾太簡單 全買單
I feel the sorrow 看來這虛幻誰都愛

好諷刺的對白 其實我相信愛
這溫暖的懷抱 不管誰的都好
我不安的心跳 墜落是免不了
生而為人多抱歉 已經虛無的受不了

我也只是想躲開 想活得像個人 而不只羞辱或遺憾
終究我還是我 我只能這樣活 我只能活在謊言中
誰能行行好 請為我祈禱 別讓我迷失在這荒野
我已看到 死蔭在蔓燒 我的鐘聲已經響起
迴盪無邊無際掩蓋我的心跳


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


早上一封簡訊驚醒了我。
一個誰都沒有料到的結果，包括你在內。
發自內心地襲來一陣顫抖...千頭萬緒，久久無法平復。


回想起我們兩天前的通話，那時你神彩飛揚的聲音，興奮地述說那些令你心滿意足的討論，讓我好為你感到驕傲。我一直都相信你可以的，就像你也一直都這麼樂觀的相信自己，到底哪個環節出了問題？我們過度自信了嗎？難道堅持自己的理想並付諸實行，已經不再被這個世界買單？難不成腳踏實地的設計師即將被舌燦蓮花的推銷員全面取代？若真如此，我們的信仰與價值觀崩壞了嗎？


雖然難以接受，我試著用我的方式為你打氣，講了好多氣話，要你寫大字報抗議、找人拍紀錄片揭發黑暗真相...即使我們都知道無法挽回甚麼了，仍然覺得就算再一次也要向他們表明自己的態度，因為這一口氣吞不下去！在這所謂無奈的體制底下，壯烈犧牲也要犧牲地有價值！


我回想起一切我們一起經歷過的事情，從找你做競圖、一起幫槍、找你當大槍、跟你屁一堆我也不見得有把握的事情、一起討論設計...大學有好些比例的時間是跟你一起渡過的。然後我開始內疚，是不是我也要付一部份的責任？是不是我早點開始關心，是不是我最後多撥點時間聽你多講講，結果會有所不同？


我不知道這一切該怪罪誰，說不定誰也沒錯，我也不知道怎樣會比較好，我只是想說我也好難過，甚至對自己的無能為力感到自責...不管怎樣，你不會是一個人的，我也會繼續陪你走完這無奈到無言的體制...


KEEP FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

世界末日？！

The End Of The World - Carpenters 

(Lyrics)

Why does the sun go on shining?

Why does the sea rush to shore?

Don't they know it's the end of the world

'Cause you don't love me anymore?



Why do the birds go on singing?

Why do the stars glow above?

Don't they know it's the end of the world

It ended when I lost your love



I wake up in the morning and I wonder

Why ev'rything is the same as it was

I can't understand, no, I can't understand

How life goes on the way it does!



Why does my heart go on beating?

Why do these eyes of mine cry?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

It ended when you said goodbye



Don't they know It's the end of the world?

It ended when you said goodbye

looooooong time no update...

It's been a while since the last post, when I was struggling with my English test. When B and W and I decide to run our own blog for introducing the whole MArch application thing, it comes to me that maybe it's time for updating this site too.


Starting with a piece of cake!

It was a cheese mulberry pie I made for the reunion of my classmates. Although I would not say it was good enough, people who ate it kept saying: "delicious." Well...that's actually my first time...hope they will be fine after eating it.


Also, it was the weekend of the mother's day. I didn't say anything special to my mom this time. It's not just we barely celebrate these holidays as the media pushes us to do, but I think I am not ready for saying something deep inside to my parents before I leave them and go abroad.


Then I found that there is a song I have always loved, which fully represents my mind.

The Cranberries - Ode To My Family

Understand the things I say
Don’t turn away from me
Cause I spent half my life out there
You wouldn’t disagree
D’you see me, d’you see
Do you like me, do you like me standing there
D’you notice, d’you know
Do you see me, do you see me
Does anyone care

Unhappiness, where’s when I was young
And we didn’t give a damn
’cause we were raised
To see life as a fun and take it if we can
My mother, my mother she hold me
Did she hold me, when I was out there
My father, my father, he liked me
Ol he liked me, does anyone care

Understand what I’ve become
It wasn’t my design
And people everywhere think
Something better than I am
But I miss you, I miss
’cause I liked it, I liked it
When I was out there
D’you know this, d’you know
You did not find me, you did not find
Does anyone care

Unhappiness was when I was young
And we didn’t give a damn
’cause we were raised
To see life as fun and take it if we can
My mother, my mother she hold me
Did she hold me, when I was out there
My father, my father, he liked me
Ol he liked me, does anyone care

Does anyone care 

一切從這首歌開始...

近日腦子裡一直環繞的旋律

這張絕版CD在建築系館失蹤也兩三年有了

原本覺得旋律早已烙印在心裡(fans的煽情 但這是事實)

就讓它們住在心底好了 沒有實體(連檔案都沒有)也無所謂

一直到最近 才發現我腦海裡的DJ一直都很愛播放它們

我說不出哪首歌在哪個時間點跑出來的理由

但它就是浮現了...

(洗腦歌:分心/2:54天還沒亮/我不想說話/十個氣球)

我開始想重新擁有這些對我有些意義的歌曲...

and then...

"London" by Pet Shop Boys

高中聽了Home and Dry之後愛不釋手

PSB的歌聲 讓我對霧都的生活充滿想像

尤其是這首平鋪直敘的都會描寫

她如此真實 卻令人期待

"London"

We came from the far North summered in Crimea deserted the armed forces had to disappear made it to the free West on a chartered flight so we could see what we trained to fight

We were in London
"Let's do it - let's break the law'."
We were in London
Tell it like it is
We were in London
Tell it like it is

Looking for hard work or credit card fraud What do you expect from us?
We come from abroad to get ourselves a new job on a building-site They work you so hard but we trained to fight

We were in London "Let's do it - let's break the law!" We were in London Tell it like it is
We were in London "Let's do it - let's break the law!" We were in London Tell it like it is

My father fought in Afghanistan
His widow's pension ain't worth a damn
My mother works and goes home to cry
I want to live before I die

We were in London
"Let's do it - let's break the law!"
We were in London
Tell it like it is
We were in London
Tell it like it is

開張文

親愛的
詞/曲:張懸

深深的話要淺淺地說
長長的路要揮霍地走

大大的世界要率真地感受
會痛的傷口要，輕輕地揉

被抱緊的時候去
勇敢地祝福─
不被了解的時候，相信自己
值得
永遠心疼做過的夢

在乎的人要傻傻地愛
經歷的事，就慢慢地來

想法很多的時候，要細膩地用
擁有一切之後
就讓它走
在某個角落放一首歌

別忘了，要快樂
別忘了要溫柔

這是無名的隨便說說裡最後一篇

好一陣子沒寫blog，搬家後的首PO

還是決定用這首歌當作開場

在這段看似真空的日子裡

事實上經歷了好多好多事情

回頭再聽這首歌，彷彿是生活的濃縮

幾個月來的一幕幕場景隨著字句的吟唱

而被喚醒

傷痛點醒之後再乖乖地

被後來的旋律安撫

我說啊這歌也太心機了吧

----------------------------------------------------

回來開心的開張

其實換來這是想重新開始紀錄我的生活

也算是強迫自己做點什麼的意味

因為就是要有做點什麼，才會有東西PO啊

不能再淪為那個很不爽才會來抱怨的地方了

它還有更積極的任務是替我累積"財富"

也就是從現在開始我所看到聽到接觸到的所有東西

雖然對即將面臨畢業設計，它似乎有著很功利的目的

放大一點看，我的確需要一個空間

替我的腦袋瓜整理一些東西

就像陳以愛老師說過的

想到的事情沒說出來沒討論，其實等於沒想過

所以啊～希望我能開始積極認真的面對這件事

就像，我明天即將重拾的　英文　一樣

祝福我吧。